By keeping it real.
Today was horrible. Absolutely horrible. It was one of those days where your strength is tested. Your passion, your drive, your resolve....all being tested. I questioned every single one of those things today. I cannot wrap my brain around this difficult time. How much more am I going to be asked to endure? That's the million dollar question.
Bottom line: Our paper work is lost. Only no one will readily admit that it's lost. The NVC says it's not their responsibility anymore. It's out of their building. Can't help me. The words of the week are IN ROUTE. The paper work was requested back on May 17th. That is one long route. I guess that's better than saying "Yes, Mrs. Greig, we lost your paper work and no one knows what to do".
But that is the truth. Our adoption cannot move forward until someone decides what the procedure will be now. With the Hague procedures being relatively new, there is really nothing in place to protect against paper work that stays IN ROUTE indefinitely or for an extended amount of time. I have been told that things will be changing due to our circumstances. Glad we could help others never have to go through this, really I am. I'm all about that, but what about US? Our child????
I spent the day running into dead ends...frustrating DEAD ENDS.
Boy, I just felt SMALL. Small and insignificant to our government. I have never felt so helpless. I just kept thinking that SOMEONE would have an answer, but no one can offer one. It's one of those things where you say, it can't get worse than it is now. And then it does.
I have to keep it real. I have to face the emotions head on and deal. I'm digging deep right now. But oh how I hate this relentless process. My friends keep reminding me of how worth it it will all be in the end...when we are holding Quinn in our arms. I am pretty sure my pessimism is preventing me from going there right now. I feel like this will never end.......(glass is half empty, I know).
Maybe tomorrow will bring HOPE of the resolution.
I'm trying....I really am. I WANT to be the pillar of strength that keeps a positive outlook. I have never been this beaten down about something. I'm disappointed with my pessimistic outlook. But then again, my heart was broken into a million pieces. THAT has never happened to me before. So here I am, still grieving, yet trying to keep my faith in the thing that started us on this journey in the first place....hope for an orphan. Making a difference to each other. And now something is in my way.
So, this is me....keeping it real. Pessimism and all.
All I can say is I am soooo sorry. I can't even imagine how you are feeling, what you want to do(I would want to strangle someone...just keeping it real) There is seriously a time when all you want to do is throw your hands in the air and scream UNCLE!!!
ReplyDeleteI hope this gets resolved, and I hope that you will get a call that tells you someone has figured out what to do. Have you contacted someone here in TX like a senator?? Kay Bailey?? I hear she is a huge advocate for adoption...I think she has one or more adopted children. I am sure you have looked to everyone, just thought I would ask.
Please know that my thoughts are with you and sending you nothing but peace and good thoughts for a resolution to this crisis. It is crazy that it is just gone....it can't just be gone, we both know that.
It will be worth it, we all know that, but I know that does not make it better right now. So please don't be hard on yourself for feeling negative. We are only human and to be honest this just "sucks" But you will rise to the occasion and keep trudging along and get this resolved somehow, someway....Quinn needs you to keep trudging:) By the way you have been a piller....not sure how you have gone what you have gone through, more than most of us. I waited through 3 years of waiting and a program change....but a piece of cake compared to the grief you have felt.
Okay, trudge on:) and hopefully they will get it fixed or find the solution.
I just wanted to say Real is Good! We all go here but often don't share because people don't want to hear it but you know what... you need to say it so we can pray! I pray you get news today!!!
ReplyDeleteSharon
Nikki,
ReplyDeleteI do not know what to say...How frustrated you must be! I am happy you are documenting your frustrations...This process is frustrating, but for you and what you have been through....Words can't express that...Hoping for the best, and many hugs of support!
Mary Kate
Just popping over from RQ (waitingforlibby) to tell you how sorry I am that you are having to deal with all of this. You have been through more in this process than most of us could endure. I hope a miracle happens and you get the answers you need very soon.
ReplyDeleteAmy
Nikki, my thougts are with you. And i pray that everything resolves sooner than later. The day will be here that you will be traveling. Just have faith, as you do....and patience. many prayers.
ReplyDeletePrayers are with you! You all have been through so much! I hope this gets resolved very quickly!!!
ReplyDelete