Tantrum definition according to Wikipedia:
A tantrum is an emotional outburst that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry ranting and a resistance to attempts at pacification. Physical control may be lost, the person may be unable to remain still, and even if the "goal" of the person is met, he/she may not be calmed.
Oh yes, this is going on quite frequently in our house these days. I thought I had seen the best of them from Jack and Ava (none really from Austin...thanks, Austin). I guess we could safely say that they just "broke me in" for Miss Quinn. She completely loses control over her entire body. It's to the point where we have to move in fast when we think she's getting ready to start one because she will take out anything in her path, including knocking her head onto the floor. So, I have been digging for any and all information I can find on this subject. The adoption books are great; however, none of the ones I have address the language barrier. It's hard to say things to calm Quinn down when she has no idea what I'm saying. We give her lots and lots of love, without giving into the "whatever" she was wanting. We know that her tantrums are more than likely tied to her past and this huge change in her life. Of course, she is also 3 and I'm sure that plays a part in this as well. It's a puzzle, but one that I'm determined to solve. It seems like it may be getting worse before it's going to get better. So, we're digging in......
....being patient,
...compassionate,
...understanding.
With that said, and as bad as it can seem at times, we are taking it all in stride and not putting too much DRAMA into the situation. We get over one tantrum and just move on.....till the next! (which, for now, is usually right around the corner).
Today, we had quite the head banging tantrum. Unfortunately, when the tantrum started, she was on the tile in the kitchen. We couldn't get to her before she slammed her head onto the floor. Ouch! Notice the goose egg.
Boo boo ice packs make all things better.
I took Quinn outside to distract her from the issue that started the tantrum.
She decided that she wanted to ride our neighbor's little bike.
SO.....she tugged and pulled...
and pulled some more.
...until she got it just right.
And she was so proud of herself!
And she was HAPPY.....until...
...the pedal came off and Ava brought out the flat-tired little Barbie bike.
So, off she went....
....as fast as her little feet would take her (notice the NO shoes...hey, you've gotta pick your battles!)
Well, then Mommy has to go and spoil EVERYTHING and break the news that the bike is "broken".
This bit of news did not go over so well.
10 minutes later, we were on to the next best thing.
And our happy girl was back!
(For now!)
Hi Nikki, Quinn is a beauty, congratulations! I just wanted to say that our daughter had some doozies of tantrums as well, when we first got home. The head banging really frightened me, and I was a little intimidated by the rages she would fly into. I will say, though, that after being home for almost six weeks, we really don't see them much anymore, if at all, and when we do, they are much shorter, and not as extreme.
ReplyDeleteIn our daughter's orphanage, the kids were encourage to tantrum, they were told to be strong, and fight for what they want. They were given treats when they tantrumed, as well (probably to stop the tantrum), and I have heard it is this way in many of the orphanages, as well as foster care. Hang in there! It won't last forever!
Ah, I have to say that I greatly appreciate your honesty. So sorry that you are having to deal with tantrums though.
ReplyDeleteOur little one throws at least one tantrum a day. Many times they are just completely unexplained, other times it is when she needs something and can't communicate.
Hang in there. Even while she is throwing a tantrum, she is SO cute!
Lizzie had those same kind of tantrums. It took a lot of what you are doing, love and more love, to get her out of them. After being home now for 2 years, they are sooooo much better. We still have them but they are controlable. We are working on having patience and just controling emotions. Lizzie loves with her whole heart and gets mad with her whole body! Hang in there. They WILL get better, just never, ever give in. Give lots of love but never give in!
ReplyDeleteSo wonderful to see honesty shining through. The tantrums are definitely showing her strength and her knowing what she wants~ a life long skill and strength. Communication barrier probably contributes to a lot of it. I know Jing gets frustrated some when we can't figure out soon enough what she wants. You are doing a beautiful job with her and she is precious!!! Hope you are feeling better and getting stronger!!!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Don't rule out issues around PTSD ... your daughter has had enough life experiences that would be traumatic to the strongest of us ... check out
ReplyDeletehttp://a4everfamily.org/
I've been there ... trauma issues don't go away just by loving your kid.
Good luck!
I just wanted to encourage like the others that this will probably fade out after a couple months. It probably does have some to do with the language barrier: she can understand a lot of what you say, but you can't understand a thing of what she says. We had tantrums (though thanfully not as many) starting a couple days after we got Ewen until one or two months after we were home. I've heard from other families that they've had worse, and usually by the time the language really kicks in, the tantrums are gone. Do a lot of holding her close and keeping the drama out of it like you are doing.
ReplyDeleteWhat if they all break out in a group tantrum at the zoo ! We will all be out numbered!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHa, Ha! Keep it light girl, you are doing great!!!!
Nic :)
There is a helpful book called Holding Time by Martha Welch, MD. Years ago my oldest daughter from Russia was diagnosed with PTSD and Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder. We were determined to be proactive and not accept the diagnosis that she couldn't love or bond. In the holding time we actually provoked tantrums but with my husband holding and rocking in a safe environment for her to rage. It wasn't an overnight cure, but it was a profoundly healing time. As hard as it is for you to watch Quinn's ability to express emotions is healthier than withdrawel. Helping her channel that is where you come in. God bless.
ReplyDeleteI had the honor of meeting Miss Quinn in China. She's simply beautiful! Our daughter has tantrums as well. I think it's a language barrier. They are very determined, strong minded little girls!
ReplyDelete~Anne (another BAAS family)
Love her dresses!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the tantrums. I don't have experience in this, but it sounds like the others have given good experienced advice.
I encourage you to "wear" her. A sling of some sort, not just a carrier. Something that keeps her close to your body. I did that with my daughter adopted at 3 1/2 and it worked wonders for the times of stress, plus it was great for attachment.
ReplyDeleteBarb (from RQ)
Quinn is beautiful, by the way!